"Some Kinda Hate"

My birthday was yesterday, it wasn't toooo exciting but it wasn't bad :] Friends came over, and left as soon as they knew we weren't drinking.... hah.
Erik staying over was of course the best part :] That's what I look forward to everyday.. shh don't tell him.

Friday, I'm gonna say was my birthday :] Erik and I went to see A Day To Remember in San Diego, a band he got me into, that I actually really like hah, don't tell him that either. And we had Red Lobster cause we've both been wanting Seafood :D I got the ultimate feast.... shit man.... I almost nearly died. One more bite and I wouldn't be typing right now. Then we went to the beach down the street from there, and that was cool, it smelled pretty, I love the beach :]] I love that I get to do cool things with him<3
Then we took a LOOOONNGGGGGG "adventure" ride home lol, and almost got killed in Brawley :O


hmm... so down to today and yesterday.
Mom's still fucked up on the Xanax and Methadone. mmm. fucking pisses me off, she's making no sense, and I need her help with some things right now, like school, or hey, did you remember my birthday this year mom? I know you were fucked up last year too!
At least I don't cry about it anymore. I've become numb to it, she really does act so stupid. I'm used to it :] it's not a big deal, people have dealt with a hell of a lot worse. It's just annoying.


mmmm goohbyee

I'm so fragile

If everyday were like today..I'd die. i hate when i wake up feeling like this. It's the worst feeling ever. It's hopelessness, sadness, worthlessness, depression, and I feel like I just don't know what to do with myself. Like something is missing from me and I'll never get it back. like something was taken from me something important that makes me whole. that makes me myself. and it's gone. and it's changed me. what if he gets sick of this? i complain about everything. I'm sad all the damn time when there is nothing wrong. I want to make him happy. not bring him down with me. what if he regrets ever trying to be with me? what if i become a burden? i'll fight harder just to prevent that but i'm fragile. and I don't know how to be strong again. More then anything I want this to go away so I can be happy and make the ones around me happy and stop having to depend on them to make me happy. it isnt anyones job to make me whole and fulfilled. I just want to feel like myself again. everyday. I feel it somedays but days like this ruin it and when I have days like this I get the feeling this may never go away......

Rollercoaster

Amazing

I feel better.

told you I wasn't gonna let anything bring me down!

All Time High..

To an all time low.
wtf? how does that happen?
why let things get to me?
your moms still an addict?
so what.
Your best friend moved away and shes the only girl you can really talk too?
so what.
your transmission is going out and your job let you go?
so what.


haaa. so what.

right?

Smart pills

I feel so good today :) woke up early. Finally completing a full day of school, did some homework, took some SMART medicine :D And following my diet woohoo!
I refuse to let anythingg bring me down :)
I miss Erik though haha. But what else is new? ahh shut up Lauren you freak haha.
who knew life would get better? guess it had too :)
when everything goes down it has no where else to go but up :) but then it has no where else to go down :/ ahh shut up stay positive. stop jinxing yourself!

We Can Live Like Jack and Sally If We Want..

I love waking up feeling like this :]
I feel it more everyday.
Even When I can't wake up next to him :/
But I still feel it :]

ahhhhh I love this feeling :D

Strangers

We always want the best for them, whatever makes them happy.
even if they have to leave you for a while :]

keep a smile, they'll be back.

Undiscovered

I made one of these cause I need any therapeutic thing I can get :D

Life has been very good to me lately.
But I miss my best friend. Why is it that everything can never be perfect all together? It's always gotta be one or the other. But it's better then it all being shit though right? I seriously can't complain with the way things are going right now :]
I'm happier then I've ever been in a LONG time. It's amazing, because I was losing hope of ever being truly happy again. I got used to having a permanent fake smile, and now it's scary, cause that fake smile is gone. That was always my shield, my guard. And I've finally let it down, yup, I admit it, My guard is down. Not to you, or anyone else, but to one person. And that's when it's the scariest. I'm vulnerable now, out in the open, anything can happen now. It's taken me a while to trust, and I didn't think it could be done again, but it has.. hah.
It's scary to get used to a good thing.
Why is it easier to be used to bad then it is to good?


You can't trust anything, especially life.
I worry about Caro, my best friend, my sister,
our souls are very much alike. All we want is to make the ones we love happy, no matter what it takes. Even if it hurts us.
Life is crazy, and complicated. It's a roller coaster, it seems scary at first, it goes up and down, but in the end you learn it's fun :D